You Still Have to Pick It Up

Hey there, Standing on the Ledge, all my Ledge Walkers out there, how are you doing today?

I want to put a simple reminder out there today. Please check out the Tools & Protocols, the free stuff, and the Reader’s Guide. Please take a look at them. That is a big part of why this site exists.

Yes, a lot of what I do here is talk about my life. The day-to-day. The collapse. The rebuilding. The bills. The work. The health. The setbacks. The small wins. All of that matters, because this site was built in real time, not from some polished distance after the fact.

But this site was never meant to be just me talking about myself.

It was meant to be useful.

It was meant to offer something you could actually take with you when life gets hard, when your thinking gets muddy, when your energy is low, and when you know something has to change but you are not even sure where to begin.

As for me, I do think I am doing better mentally. My health is doing a little better too. The job situation is a little better. I am still behind on bills, yes, absolutely, but I can feel that things are moving in a better direction. Maybe not as fast as I would like. Maybe not as cleanly as I would like. But better is still better.

And I want to know how you are doing too. I mean that. Talk to me. Let me know what you think. Let me know where you are at.

I have just finished the first draft of the third book, and right now I am honestly not sure whether it is staying as one book or becoming two. One version continues the tools, protocols, and field notes side of this work. The other could stand on its own as something more personal, maybe Walking the Ledge, more of a first-person account of what this stretch of life has actually looked like from the inside.

The truth is, they could probably each stand on their own. I just have to decide what serves the work best.

This weekend I did not get a lot done in the usual sense. I took it easier. Did some gaming. Looked after my plants. Started thinking about transplanting everything before it outgrows the containers it is in now.

At the moment I have about 18 ghost pepper plants, 18 tomatoes, 18 green peppers, and 18 red peppers ready to go. I was going to just buy Solo cups and more soil and do it the quick way. But then I stopped and thought, no. I want something a little more permanent than that. I want to design and print planters I can use again and again instead of tossing more disposable plastic into the world.

And honestly, that feels like part of the rebuild too.

Not just getting through. Not just patching holes. Actually trying, where I can, to build things a little better.

Winter is still hanging on here. We are a few days into spring and still getting snow near the end of March. So even though the season has changed on paper, the world outside is still negotiating the terms.

It is about 4 a.m. as I am writing this, and I am still trying to settle into a semi-overnight rhythm with these two jobs. One runs from 5 in the evening until 9. Then I have a 35- to 40-minute drive to the next one, where I work from about 10 until 2 in the morning. Monday through Friday, that gives me eight hours a day.

On paper, it works.

Now I just have to see how well it works in a real human body over time.

I have a doctor’s appointment on Wednesday to renew some prescriptions. Overall, my health is doing better, but I am also trying to be honest with myself. There is a difference between pushing forward and grinding yourself back into the ground. I may have to make a hard decision at some point. I do not know yet. But I also know that you do not find out what is sustainable by standing still forever.

Sometimes you have to try the thing, pay attention, and tell yourself the truth about how it is going.

That is where I am right now.

Trying. Watching. Adjusting. Hoping I can keep moving forward without overextending myself physically, mentally, or emotionally.

And that brings me back to the reason for this post.

Please go look at the tools. Please go look at the protocols. Please go look at the free material and the Reader’s Guide. There is more here than my daily posts. There is more here than updates from my life. I built this material because I needed it. I am sharing it because I think it might help somebody else too.

I am not trying to be anybody’s therapist. I am not trying to pretend I have every answer. That is not what this is. But if I have built something useful, something honest, something that might help another person get their footing back, then I am going to put it out there.

What I cannot do is use it for you.

And that is the part that matters.

You can read the post. You can agree with it. You can tell yourself it makes sense. You can even feel understood by it. But none of that changes anything by itself.

At some point, you still have to pick it up.

You still have to choose to use the tool. You still have to take the step. You still have to decide that your life is worth enough effort to stop waiting for the perfect mood, the perfect time, or the perfect version of yourself to arrive before you begin.

I know that may sound blunt, but I do not mean it harshly. I mean it honestly.

I know what it is like to be stuck. I know what it is like to circle the problem, study the problem, talk about the problem, and still not move. Sometimes because you are tired. Sometimes because you are scared. Sometimes because you have been hit so many times by life that even reaching for help feels heavier than it should.

But even then, at some point, there has to be a choice.

No one else can make that choice for you.

No one else can start your rebuild for you.

No one else can climb out of the hole on your behalf.

You decide where the beginning is. You decide what the next step is. You decide whether today is another day of drifting, or whether today is the day you finally reach for one thing that might actually help.

That is why this stuff is here.

It is here for you. It is here for me too. But it is here for you.

So please, use it.

That is it. That is all for today.

In a few weeks, I am looking forward to getting the garden ready, or at least starting to. I am waiting for the snow to clear so I can get the rototiller out, work the soil, work the land, and start putting something living back into the ground again.

Maybe that is part of the message too.

Spring does not always arrive cleanly. Sometimes winter hangs on. Sometimes growth starts slow. Sometimes the ground stays hard longer than you want it to.

But you prepare anyway.

Godspeed.