The Elephant in the Room: “Grumpy,” or Finally Done Carrying It Alone?

Hey, welcome back to Standing on the Ledge, Rebuilding from the Rubble. Our story continues.

Today I’m talking about the elephant in the room.

Lately, I’ve been accused of being grumpy. Maybe I am. Or maybe I’m just fed up. Maybe I’m tired of being treated like a cash cow, expected to absorb the bills, the surprises, the overhead, and the stress—while everyone else keeps living like the roof is held up by magic.

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Psychology Lens: Anger Isn’t Random — It’s Data

Anger gets a bad reputation, but it’s often a signal: something feels threatened, violated, or unfair.¹ When it shows up repeatedly, it usually means the system needs adjustment—not that the angry person is “just cranky.”

In my case, the signal is pretty clear: perceived unfairness.

There’s a whole line of research in psychology called equity theory: when someone believes they’re putting in more than they’re getting back, resentment rises; when things feel balanced, tension drops.²³ It’s not about being perfectly equal every day—it’s about feeling like everyone is pulling in the same direction.

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Sociology Lens: Households Run on More Than Money

A household isn’t just a physical space. It’s an economic unit. It’s a social system. It’s a set of roles and expectations that either get negotiated… or quietly assumed until someone breaks.

And here’s the thing people forget: the cost of running a home isn’t only dollars. It’s also the invisible work—planning, tracking, noticing, reminding, anticipating. That “cognitive labor” (the mental load) is real work, and when it defaults to one person, that person burns out and gets labeled “grumpy.”⁴⁵

So yes—turning off lights, pushing conservation, warning that money is finite… that can look petty to someone who isn’t carrying the spreadsheet in their nervous system. But it’s not pettiness. It’s an attempt to keep the roof from slipping sideways.

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What I’m Actually Saying (Without the Heat)

I’m saying this, plainly:

• If you live here, you contribute.
• House costs are shared reality, not optional suggestions.
• Conservation isn’t control. It’s survival math.

I’ve been hinting for over a year that the financial burden has to be shared. Now that contributions are finally starting, I’m going to say the next part out loud: this can’t be a one-week improvement followed by two years of drift.

And yes, this includes “small” things—lights left on, waste, habits that treat utilities like someone else’s problem. Natural Resources Canada is blunt about it: turning off unused lights is an easy way to reduce energy use and save money.⁶ That’s not me being a monster. That’s me being practical.

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The Pets Conversation (Because It’s Part of the Budget)

This is the part that makes people emotional, so I’m going to be careful and still tell the truth.

Animals aren’t “free.” They’re a budget line: food, litter, vet bills, damage, wear-and-tear, and the hidden costs that show up when money is already tight.

If someone wants animals in the home, that needs to be paired with an adult plan:

• What do they cost per month?
• Who pays those costs?
• What happens when the vet bill hits?

I’m not trying to be cruel. I’m trying to keep priorities straight: people first, then everything else. If we can afford both, fine. If we can’t, reality doesn’t care how we feel about it.

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Family Systems Lens: When Pressure Rises, Reactivity Rises

When a household is under pressure, it behaves like an emotional unit. People fuse, polarize, and triangle. One person becomes “the problem,” and everyone else gets to avoid the real issue: the system isn’t stable.⁷

So if I’m “grumpy,” I’m asking a better question than “what’s wrong with Kevin?”

What’s wrong with the system that keeps relying on one person to absorb the consequences?

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Work Update: Keeping It Clean and Documented

Work-wise, I’m still waiting on paperwork for the job I’m trying to start, and the delay is frustrating.

And the company I used to contract to still hasn’t issued a remittance slip. As of right now, they also haven’t provided proof of work done to justify withholding any money.

So the plan is simple and contained:

• If I’m paid correctly on February 1, 2026, good. I document it and move forward.
• If I’m not paid correctly, I contact my lawyer and keep everything factual and evidenced.

They also sent an invite to bid on another contract, which is… darkly funny. I have not responded. I’m looking at it through the lens of what happened last time: broken promises, lack of support, and how the contract ended.

I’m not going to write a hot email that creates new damage. I can be honest without being reckless. (Discretion really is the better part of valor.)

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Health Log: Data First, Panic Last

Health-wise, blood pressure has been stable.

I picked up a glucometer because I’ve been told I’m pre-diabetic. Early readings are between 6.3 and 9.4 mmol/L—a little high—so I’m collecting a week of data before I draw conclusions. Diabetes Canada defines “prediabetes” using measures like A1C 6.0–6.4% or fasting glucose 6.1–6.9 mmol/L (among other criteria).⁸ And Diabetes Canada’s general targets for people with diabetes are often cited as 4.0–7.0 mmol/L before meals and 5.0–10.0 mmol/L two hours after meals (individual targets vary).⁹

I’m not trying to play doctor. I’m trying to be informed and consistent: measure, log, and bring real information to the people who actually diagnose and treat.

I also have a nerve conduction test on February 2, 2026. Carpal tunnel wouldn’t surprise me. Running a burnisher five nights a week for years is basically a vibration-and-grip lifestyle. Long-term repetitive work and vibrating tools are known workplace factors that can contribute to carpal tunnel symptoms.¹⁰ Nerve conduction studies/EMG are standard tools used to evaluate nerve function and help confirm diagnoses like this.¹¹

Getting old can be a pain in the ass. That’s not philosophy. That’s just Tuesday.

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Closure (Because I’m Practicing My Own Tools)

1 receipt: I’m naming the real issue (shared responsibility) instead of letting it leak out as passive resentment.

1 next step: a household “numbers meeting” with three items only: total monthly costs, contribution expectations, and a simple bill-reduction plan.

1 boundary sentence: I’m not financing the household alone anymore. If we’re sharing a home, we’re sharing the load.

That’s it for today. Godspeed.

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Footnotes

1. American Psychological Association (APA): “Anger” (overview of anger as an emotion that can motivate action and signal problems). ↩︎
2. SAGE Encyclopedia of Human Relationships: “Equity Theory” (perceived unfairness linked to distress in relationships). ↩︎
3. E. Hatfield et al., “Equity theory in close relationships” (chapter PDF; fairness perceptions and relationship satisfaction). ↩︎
4. Harvard Radcliffe Institute, “The Unseen Inequity of Cognitive Labor” (on “mental load” / cognitive labor in households). ↩︎
5. USC Dornsife, “Moms think more about household chores” (research discussion on the cognitive dimension of household work). ↩︎
6. Natural Resources Canada, “Simple tips for brighter savings” (turning off unused lights as a simple energy-saving habit). ↩︎
7. The Bowen Center for the Study of the Family, “Introduction to the Eight Concepts” (family as an emotional unit; systems dynamics under stress). ↩︎
8. Diabetes Canada, Clinical Practice Guidelines: Definition/Classification/Diagnosis (prediabetes criteria including A1C 6.0–6.4% and fasting glucose 6.1–6.9 mmol/L). ↩︎
9. Diabetes Canada, Clinical Practice Guidelines: Targets for Glycemic Control (common targets such as 4.0–7.0 mmol/L pre-meal and 5.0–10.0 mmol/L 2-hour post-meal; individualized). ↩︎
10. Mayo Clinic, “Carpal tunnel syndrome: Symptoms and causes” (workplace factors include repetitive wrist movements and vibrating tools). ↩︎
11. NCBI Bookshelf, “Electrodiagnostic Evaluation of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome” (overview of EMG/nerve conduction in evaluation). ↩︎

Note: This post is personal reflection and general information, not medical or legal advice.