Three Effective Strategies to Manage Life’s Friction

Chapter 3 (Continues) — The Friction Audit

Today I’m doing something simple, practical, and a little humbling: a Friction Audit.

In organized systems, friction audits are used to find where processes and interactions create unnecessary drag—extra steps, extra confusion, extra cost. This is me applying the same logic to my own life. A physician, heal thyself approach. Not “how do I feel,” but: what creates friction, what reduces it, and what gets me back into motion.

I’m tracking friction points—things like paperwork bottlenecks, boundary violations, communication noise, cluttered zones, and tasks that silently multiply. The goal is not a perfect plan. The goal is to reduce the startup cost of a day so I stop getting pulled into reactive mode.

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My three friction triggers

Trigger	What sets it off	How it shows up	What it does to me
Brewed-Up Fog (the loop grabs the wheel)2	Mornings or any low-energy start where I try to force strategy, clarity, and big plans before my body and brain are fully online.	Waking in a fog and demanding answers before I’m capable of producing them. Replaying. Second-guessing. Overthinking the build.	It knocks me off structure. Starting feels harder, even when I’m still getting things done. The day becomes “debate” instead of “motion.”
Boundary Violations (emotional labor from other people)3	Being around people who don’t respect rules or boundaries—where I find myself tracking moods, anticipating reactions, managing comfort.	I catch myself doing emotional labor like it’s my job: smoothing things over, managing the room, trying to keep the peace at my own expense.	Hypervigilance and drain. I start scanning for hidden agendas and carrying more social load than I agreed to carry.
Communication Noise (triangulation, pestering, performing online)4	People not asking me directly. Information traveling through others. Repeated follow-ups. “Checking in” turning into pressure.	Constant pings. Explaining myself. Managing perception. Worrying about being read as spammy or oversharing.	I get pulled into reactive mode—chasing signals instead of rebuilding steadily.

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Three friction reducers I’m using on purpose

1) Shrink the scale: small fires instead of grand rebuilds

When my day feels too big, I reduce the startup cost by choosing one contained, finishable unit. One drawer. One errand. One call. One walk. One small task I can actually close. This is how I lower cognitive load and stop turning the morning into a strategy meeting my brain didn’t consent to attend.¹

2) Hooks and anchors: interrupt the loop, don’t argue with it

Loops don’t end because you win the argument inside your head. They end when you shift the environment—a visible next step, a quick grounding check, a note you can’t ignore, a simple “here’s what’s next” list, or a brief check-in with a social tether. These are friction reducers because they reduce overwhelm and decision load by making the next move obvious and concrete.²

3) Turn anger into a boundary sentence

Anger is information. If I keep replaying it, I’m leaking energy. If I turn it into one sentence, I can enforce the line and move forward.

• Name what happened.
• Name what it cost.
• Name what I won’t accept again.

No tug-of-war. No chasing closure. No explaining myself into exhaustion. Just: “This is the line.” Then I re-enter the parts I can control.

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One change to test for the next 24 hours: the “after-first-coffee” microprotocol

For the next 24 hours, I’m running one small experiment—once. No heroics. No perfect plan. One pass/fail move.

1. After my first cup of coffee: two minutes of grounding. (Not deep therapy. Just “I am here, I am safe, and I am choosing the next step.”)
2. Write one next step somewhere I can’t ignore it: a board, a sticky note, my phone screen.
3. Complete one small fire—a contained task I can finish today.

The metric is blunt on purpose: Did I complete the one small fire one time today? If yes, I’m back in motion without needing a perfect plan first.

This is an “if-then” plan: if I finish my first coffee, then I do the microprotocol. Simple plans have strong effects because they reduce decision friction at the exact moment it usually spikes.⁶

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Three lines

One line I am keeping: ____________________________________________

One boundary I am setting: ________________________________________

One step for tomorrow: ____________________________________________

Godspeed.

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References

1. Sweller, J. (1988). Cognitive load during problem solving: Effects on learning. Cognitive Science, 12(2), 257–285. PDF
2. Nolen-Hoeksema, S., Wisco, B. E., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2008). Rethinking rumination. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 3(5), 400–424. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1745-6924.2008.00088.x
3. Hochschild, A. R. (1983). The managed heart: Commercialization of human feeling. University of California Press. Publisher page
4. Eppler, M. J., & Mengis, J. (2004). The concept of information overload: A review of literature from organization science, accounting, marketing, MIS, and related disciplines. The Information Society, 20(5), 325–344. https://doi.org/10.1080/01972240490507974
5. Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin, 98(2), 310–357. PubMed
6. Gollwitzer, P. M. (1999). Implementation intentions: Strong effects of simple plans. American Psychologist, 54(7), 493–503. PDF