Building Momentum: Small Fires for Big Changes

Standing on the Ledge — Rebuilding from the Rubble
Chapter 2 (Continued)

Where am I today?

I know my mind has been reeling—looping—going over things over and over and over again.

And I keep circling the same uncomfortable question:

Is this looping my mind procrastinating—keeping me stuck?

Maybe.

I’ve been looking at these posts and wondering: am I keeping myself stuck, or am I actually helping myself—job hunting, rebuilding, moving forward? I don’t know.

I’ve got a structured list of topics I want to cover. I’ve drifted off the structure. And maybe that’s okay.

Because the truth is: things are getting done.

• Am I getting things accomplished? Yes.
• Am I getting things accomplished as quickly as I think I “should”? I don’t know.

I got out yesterday. Getting out of the house is probably a good thing. I finally got my oil changed. I did groceries. I got a few applications out this week. I handled a few things I can’t talk about right now—but they got done.

And the book is on its way. The book has been published. Yay.

If anyone would like information on that book, please ping me—send me a message or comment—and I’ll post a link.

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Small Fires Instead of Grand Rebuilds

Here’s where my mindset is today:

Not grand rebuilds.

Small fires.

All these plans sound good in my head. But they collapse easily under the weight of a bad morning.

My mind is still in a fog when I wake up—still trying to boot up, still trying to orient. And I’m starting to suspect I’ve been taxing my brain too much first thing: demanding strategy before the system is even online.

So today I’m looking at what’s saving me—what’s actually working:

• One drawer.
• One errand.
• One call.
• One walk.

Little contained fires I can tend without burning down the rest of the day.

There’s a reason this works: when the scale shrinks, movement returns. “Small wins” build momentum and reduce overwhelm—especially when life feels too big to hold in one piece.⁶

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The Loop (What It Is, and When It Turns on You)

Looping doesn’t automatically mean laziness. Sometimes it’s the mind trying to regain traction—repetitive thinking as a form of internal problem-solving.

But there’s a known trap: repetitive thought can flip into rumination—where the same material repeats, distress stays activated, and action gets harder to start.^3,4

And procrastination isn’t always “I don’t care.” A lot of the time it’s short-term emotional relief beating long-term goals—especially when the nervous system is overloaded.⁵

So the question I’m learning to ask isn’t just:

“Am I looping?”

It’s:

Is the loop helping me organize reality… or is it keeping me from touching reality?

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Morning Ritual (Stop Demanding Clarity Before the System Boots)

I’m considering a simple morning ritual. Not a reinvention. Not a self-help makeover. Just a ramp:

1. Get up.
2. Medication.
3. Coffee.
4. Let my mind clear.
5. Then pick one small fire.

Habits form more reliably when they’re small and anchored to consistent cues.⁸

And follow-through improves when the plan is specific: “If X happens, then I do Y.”⁹

So instead of “I will rebuild my life,” it becomes:

• If I finish my first coffee, then I do one grounding exercise.
• If I notice the loop starting, then I write the next step on the board.

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Then the Second Thought Hit (Hooks & Anchors)

This is where the “second post of the day” idea came from—because it didn’t show up until after my first cup of coffee.

I worried about being spammy. I don’t want to drive people away by being too prolific.

But the mind doesn’t always deliver one clean thought on schedule. Some days it delivers fragments—and then delivers the missing piece later.

The missing piece today was this:

Hooks and anchors.

Things that keep you rooted in reality—or pull you back out of the funk and into the here and now.

Because you can end up living inside a reality that isn’t beneficial—one you built without realizing it.

To use a movie reference: sometimes you’ve got to pull yourself back out of the matrix.

Not with a grand transformation. Not with a perfect plan.

With anchors—small, repeatable things that remind your system: this is now.

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What Anchors Do (And Why They Work)

Anchors don’t argue with the loop. They interrupt it.

Grounding strategies are designed to shift attention back to the immediate world—no more, no less.¹

That can be as simple as a sensory check-in like the 5–4–3–2–1 method.²

And sometimes the best anchor is social. A check-in call. A text that forces you to answer: “Where are you at today?” Social support can buffer stress—not as a slogan, but as a measurable effect.¹⁴

And sometimes the anchor is a tool: a whiteboard, a list, a visible “next step.” Writing it down reduces cognitive load by offloading what your brain keeps trying to hold all at once.¹⁰

So the whiteboard isn’t a detour. It’s scaffolding.

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The Sociological Layer (Why the Call Pulls You Back)

There’s a bigger frame here: reality isn’t just inside your head. It’s something we maintain together—through routine, conversation, and shared expectations.¹⁵

So when I say “the matrix,” that’s not just poetic. It’s accurate in a sociological sense: we can drift into private realities—and sometimes we need a social tether to pull us back into the common one.

And yes—posting too much can feel risky because online space is also a stage. We manage impressions. We worry about how we’re being read. That’s not vanity. That’s social life.¹⁶

So maybe the move isn’t “post less” or “post more.”

Maybe the move is: post what’s true, but don’t let posting replace anchoring.

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A Simple “Small Fires + Anchors” Protocol (For Fog Days)

• One physical anchor: 2 minutes of grounding.^1,2
• One task anchor: write one next step where you can’t ignore it.¹⁰
• One social anchor: a check-in message or call.¹⁴
• One small fire: one contained task you can finish today.⁶

And if the longer story is sitting behind all of this—the identity shift, the work shift, the life shift—I’m not imagining that either. Role exit and loss of routine can shake structure, purpose, and belonging in ways that go far beyond “just a job.”^11,12 That’s where the personal trouble intersects with the public world.¹³

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Three Lines (Added to the End of the Post)

• One line I am keeping: Small fires and anchors bring me back to the here and now.
• One boundary I am setting: I don’t ask my foggy morning brain to solve my whole life—and I don’t let looping replace anchoring.
• One step for tomorrow: After my first coffee: 2 minutes of grounding, one next step on the board, and one small fire completed.

Thank you for your time. Godspeed.

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References

1. University of British Columbia Sexual Violence Prevention and Response Office (SVPRO). (2021). Grounding exercises [PDF]. https://scs-svpro-2021.sites.olt.ubc.ca/files/2021/09/Grounding-Exercises-V.02-01_10_21.pdf
2. University of Rochester Medical Center. (2018, April 10). 5-4-3-2-1 coping technique for anxiety. Behavioral Health Partners Blog. https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/behavioral-health-partners/bhp-blog/april-2018/5-4-3-2-1-coping-technique-for-anxiety
3. Nolen-Hoeksema, S. (2000). The role of rumination in depressive disorders and mixed anxiety/depressive symptoms. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 109(3), 504–511. https://doi.org/10.1037/0021-843X.109.3.504
4. Watkins, E. R. (2008). Constructive and unconstructive repetitive thought. Psychological Bulletin, 134(2), 163–206. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.134.2.163
5. Steel, P. (2007). The nature of procrastination: A meta-analytic and theoretical review of quintessential self-regulatory failure. Psychological Bulletin, 133(1), 65–94. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.133.1.65
6. Weick, K. E. (1984). Small wins: Redefining the scale of social problems. American Psychologist, 39(1), 40–49. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.39.1.40
7. Dimidjian, S., Hollon, S. D., Dobson, K. S., Schmaling, K. B., Kohlenberg, R. J., Addis, M. E., Gallop, R., McGlinchey, J. B., Markley, D. K., Gollan, J. K., Atkins, D. C., Dunner, D. L., & Jacobson, N. S. (2006). Randomized trial of behavioral activation, cognitive therapy, and antidepressant medication in the acute treatment of adults with major depression. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 74(4), 658–670. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-006X.74.4.658
8. Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W., & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009. https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.674
9. Gollwitzer, P. M. (1999). Implementation intentions: Strong effects of simple plans. American Psychologist, 54(7), 493–503. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.54.7.493
10. Risko, E. F., & Gilbert, S. J. (2016). Cognitive offloading. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 20(9), 676–688. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2016.07.002
11. Ebaugh, H. R. F. (1988). Becoming an ex: The process of role exit. University of Chicago Press. https://press.uchicago.edu/ucp/books/book/chicago/B/bo5952245.html
12. Jahoda, M. (1982). Employment and unemployment: A social-psychological analysis. Cambridge University Press. https://www.cambridge.org/us/universitypress/subjects/psychology/social-psychology/employment-and-unemployment-social-psychological-analysis?format=PB&isbn=9780521285865
13. Mills, C. W. (1959). The sociological imagination. Oxford University Press. https://global.oup.com/academic/product/the-sociological-imagination-9780195133738
14. Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin, 98(2), 310–357. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.98.2.310
15. Berger, P. L., & Luckmann, T. (1966). The social construction of reality: A treatise in the sociology of knowledge. Doubleday. https://books.google.com/books/about/The_Social_Construction_of_Reality.html?id=e7ktAAAAMAAJ
16. Goffman, E. (1959). The presentation of self in everyday life. Doubleday. https://books.google.com/books/about/The_Presentation_of_Self_in_Everyday_Lif.html?id=Sdt-cDkV8pQC