Navigating Uncertainty: A Journey of Solitude

personal log

Ugh, standing on the ledge. Personal log.

Yep, I did get some stuff done pertaining to shuttering the business.

Looked into more stuff with regard to the contract ending. Again, unfortunately, I can’t get into details right now.

I was expecting a letter with regard to that today or an email. Unfortunately, it did not come through. But maybe tomorrow, we’ll see. Or later this evening. Again, we’ll see. I’m hoping.

In this line of work, losing this contract, the company that I was working for, reaches far and wide. It’s scary, how when you begin a project with such enthusiam and then it crushes you at the end.

I was told. We might have another contract for you. We’ll know in two weeks. This was a lie. That was subterfuge designed solely for the purpose of making their job easier, making the job easier of the person who is terminating me to avoid confrontation. Nothing more, nothing less. It was simply a lie.2

We’re under a heavy snowfall alert at the moment where I am. Anywhere from 10 to 12 inches of snow, which is significant, although we haven’t really had any significant snowfalls this year.

So it’s been kind of a dark, dreary, unpleasant day, which kind of befits the foul mood I’m in at the moment. The, I want to crawl into a dark hole and disappear kind of day.1

I am not sure where I’m going. I’m not sure. My future.

Got another email from the company I used to work for, and they’re now trying to do things that I kind of half-suspected they were going to do.

And I’m biting my tongue at the moment, trying not to respond, trying not to go off the rails, because it will not serve my purpose at this moment. If everything goes right, it will be a non-consequential, but here we are.

I am again sitting here at candlelight, really wanting just to curl up, go to sleep.

Tomorrow is another day.

And my friend… I’m looking for that shadow at my back, hoping it’s still there, hoping that somehow you’ve got my back, even though you’re not of this world at this moment.

That’s all for this particular post. Godspeed.

I spent New Year’s Eve alone in my room—candlelight, meditative music, trying to quiet my mind.3

I can’t sleep. I’m yawning as I talk.4

When life gets crazy, we all need somewhere that offers us solace, a chance to reflect upon the divine and to silence a racing mind.5

  1. Durkheim had a word for the feeling when the rules stop working and the ground under you goes loose: anomie. See Émile Durkheim, Suicide: A Study in Sociology, trans. John A. Spaulding and George Simpson (New York: Free Press, 1951). ↩
  2. Mills argued that what hits you as a private trouble often sits inside a public issue: institutions, power, and the way work is organized. See C. Wright Mills, The Sociological Imagination (New York: Oxford University Press, 1959). ↩
  3. Lugh Sulian, “Finding Purpose Amidst Emotional Solitude,” Standing on the Ledge, January 1, 2026, accessed January 15, 2026, https://standingontheledge.com/2026/01/01/chapter-two-day-one-new-years-day/. ↩
  4. Lugh Sulian, “Lessons from a Sleepless Night: Contracts and Life Friction,” Standing on the Ledge, January 13, 2026, accessed January 15, 2026, https://standingontheledge.com/2026/01/13/lessons-from-a-sleepless-night-contracts-and-life-friction/. ↩
  5. Kevin McLaughlin, “The Story of Brighid,” Unplugged Pagan, October 10, 2021, accessed January 15, 2026, https://unplugged-pagan.com/2021/10/10/the-story-of-brighid/. ↩

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Published by Lugh Sulian

Lugh Sulian Standing on the Ledge · Rebuilding from the Rubble Lugh Sulian is a working name for a working moment. This profile exists to hold Standing on the Ledge: Rebuilding from the Rubble—an ongoing, real-time record of what happens after collapse, when old rules stop functioning and new ones haven’t yet earned trust. This is not myth reenactment. Not spiritual bypass. Not curated healing. It’s a field journal from the threshold. The name Lugh points toward skill, clarity, and responsibility carried with awareness. Sulian gestures toward sight—what can be seen when illusion drops away and pretending becomes too expensive. Together, they frame the posture of this work: to look clearly, act deliberately, and refuse to rebuild what already failed. Through short-form video, spoken reflection, and long-form writing, this project explores: Collapse without spectacle Responsibility without authority Burnout as a systems problem, not a personal flaw Pagan cycles as lived practice, not aesthetic Small fires instead of grand rebuilds This space is intentionally unfinished. It documents: Standing still without freezing Moving forward without rushing Learning from rubble instead of hiding it Unplugged-Pagan.com serves as the grounding—seasonal awareness, ritual stripped of performance, and meaning built from experience rather than doctrine. Standing on the Ledge is one expression of that grounding, focused on the human cost of broken systems and the slow work of rebuilding integrity. This is not a teaching platform. It’s a shared watchpost. If you’re here, you’re likely between versions of yourself—tired, alert, uncertain, and still standing. You don’t need answers yet. You need honesty, boundaries, and permission to move at the speed of truth. No conclusions offered. No certainty promised. Still on the ledge. Still watching. Still working the rubble. Godspeed. Optional Short Versions (for profile headers or bios) Short bio (Facebook / site header): Threshold work. Pagan-rooted, process-driven. Documenting collapse, clarity, and the refusal to rebuild what failed.

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