3. Bargaining Rewriting the past to avoid the pain In non-death losses, I don’t bargain by begging.I bargain by analyzing. I call it a review. I call it a post-mortem. I call it being responsible.But if I’m honest, it’s my mind trying to rewrite the past just enough to make the pain feel optional. It … Continue reading Post-Mortem Analysis: Moving Beyond Guilt and Blame
Anger: the mind tries to regain control Anger is often mislabeled. People treat it like a character flaw, a loss of control, an embarrassment. But in the aftermath of collapse, anger can be something else entirely: Anger isn’t weakness. It’s information. It tells you where your boundaries are.It shows you where the line was.And it … Continue reading The Role of Anger in Regaining Control
By the time I finished writing last night, it was already New Year’s Day. I spent New Year’s Eve alone in my room—candlelight, meditative music, trying to quiet my mind. Maybe it’s age. I don’t think fifty-six is old, but last night I felt much older than that. There was a time when nights like … Continue reading Finding Purpose Amidst Emotional Solitude
This month didn’t unfold in clean days. It came in overlaps. Sleepless nights. Missed numbers. Days that bled into each other and some that didn’t survive the night at all. Time stopped behaving the way it’s supposed to when things collapse faster than you can narrate them. What I thought was an ending turned out … Continue reading Rebuilding After Collapse: A Personal Journey
Day twenty-seven didn’t really end.It just rolled over into today. Yesterday was all interior weather—thoughts stacking on thoughts, mapping the terrain, not rambling, but trying to understand where I actually am on this ledge. Standing still long enough to feel how unstable the ground really is. And today?Today the body weighed in. I slept almost … Continue reading The Power of Movement: Breaking Free from Stagnation
My mind won’t shut off tonight.It just keeps going. Circling. Replaying. Pushing. I don’t really know what to say, and maybe that’s the most honest place to start. I’m angry.I’m embarrassed.I’m sad. There were people who counted on me, and I feel like I let them down. And at the same time—there were people I … Continue reading Finding Strength in Struggle: Embracing Vulnerability
Here we are. Day 26.The old rules are gone. The new ones aren’t written yet. That’s where I’m standing right now My mind is moving faster than my hands today. Thoughts sprinting ahead, fingers trying to keep up, language lagging behind insight. That in-between friction again—the familiar sign that something is reorganizing. Here’s what’s happening. … Continue reading Navigating Uncertainty: Finding Meaning in Transition
I didn’t forget Day 23. I paused. There’s a difference. Yesterday was a doctor’s appointment. More tests. More waiting. Information I didn’t know I needed, arriving whether I was ready or not. Sometimes things don’t happen for reasons you can celebrate. They happen because a system has pushed long enough that something finally resists. Not … Continue reading Navigating Health and Pressure: A Personal Journey
Standing on the ledge.Rebuilding from the rubble. Right now…it doesn’t feel like rubble. It feels like a nuclear strike. There is no Day 20.There are reasons for that.Some days don’t survive the night. I’ve been making progress.Real progress.And still…the things I was afraid might happenfound their way here anyway. Fifty-nine days straight.No pause.No margin. Trying … Continue reading Rebuilding After Crisis: Lessons from the Ledge
I almost didn’t do this one. I sat here wondering if I should even bother. Wondering if today deserved words at all. Today has just been one of those days—the kind that doesn’t announce itself, just quietly drains you until everything feels pointless. I know a few people are watching these. I know the numbers … Continue reading The Importance of Showing Up Even in Tough Times
Standing on the Ledge 