Standing on the Ledge — Chapter 3 continues

Money Triage Without Panic

When I say “triage,” I’m not trying to be dramatic. I mean it the same way the medical world means it: calm, precise, priority-based decision-making when there’s too much happening at once.

Money problems have a nasty habit of turning your brain into a smoke alarm. Loud. Reactive. Not always accurate. So the goal here isn’t “be fearless.” The goal is stabilize first, then make decisions like a person who can actually think.

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What money triage is (and what it isn’t)

Money triage is: deciding what must be kept alive first (lights, heat, roof, food, transportation, critical payments), and what can wait, renegotiate, or be reduced.

Money triage is not: a perfect budget, a total lifestyle overhaul, or a shame spiral disguised as “being responsible.”

In my own writing, I’ve come back to this idea over and over: stabilize the system before you try to optimize it. Same logic here.

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Step 1 — Stabilize the essentials

If you’re in the red, you don’t start by rearranging furniture. You start by keeping the building standing.

• Housing: mortgage / rent
• Utilities: heat, hydro, water, phone/internet (within reason)
• Food + basics: groceries, meds, essentials
• Transportation: enough to keep appointments and income options alive
• Work obligations (if applicable): payroll / critical supplier payments
• Taxes: if you’re falling behind, the smartest move is usually to communicate early and keep it current as best you can

This is straight “stop-the-bleeding” logic. And it matters because stress changes how we appraise threats and make choices (Lazarus & Folkman, 1984). :contentReference[oaicite:0]{index=0}

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Step 2 — De-escalate your nervous system (without avoiding reality)

Money stress comes with emotions: panic, embarrassment, anger, dread. That’s normal. But I don’t want those emotions driving the bus.

So yes: meditation, breathing, walking, reading, a show—whatever brings the volume down. But here’s the rule:

Calm is a tool, not an escape hatch.
I’m not using soothing to avoid the inevitable. I’m using it to stay functional.

When the body is escalated, the mind leans harder on fast, intuitive, sometimes sloppy decision-making (Kahneman, 2011). So the calming step is not “soft.” It’s strategic. :contentReference[oaicite:1]{index=1}

Emotion regulation isn’t about never feeling things. It’s about choosing responses that keep you effective (Gross, 1998). :contentReference[oaicite:2]{index=2}

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Step 3 — Convert “fog” into facts (the evidence ledger move)

This is where I use a framework I’ve leaned on before: evidence ledger vs. shame ledger.

Shame ledger: “I’m failing. I’m behind. I’m screwed.” (lots of heat, no data)

Evidence ledger: “Here are the numbers. Here are the deadlines. Here’s the next call.” (data, steps, traction)

So I do a simple inventory:

• List the debts. Amount, interest, minimum payment, due dates.
• List the obligations. What happens if it’s late? What’s flexible?
• List the fears. Not to indulge them—so I can separate facts from catastrophes.

There’s good evidence that unsecured debt is associated with worse mental health outcomes, including depression and other disorders (Richardson, Elliott, & Roberts, 2013). That doesn’t mean “you’re broken.” It means the stress load is real, and treating it like a real load (with structure) is rational. :contentReference[oaicite:3]{index=3}

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Step 4 — Make the calls (contact beats dread)

There are three kinds of conversations in money triage:

1. Must-contact: lender/landlord, utilities, tax authority if behind, key suppliers, payroll-related issues.
2. Can-negotiate: payment plans, due-date changes, hardship options.
3. Need-guidance: legal/financial advice, nonprofit credit counselling, mentors who’ve been there.

A lot of panic is fueled by silence and guessing. Calling doesn’t magically fix the numbers, but it often reduces the uncertainty—which is half the mental tax.

And if it helps, I keep the calls small and scripted. One topic. One question. One next step. That’s it.

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Step 5 — Find the leaks (the friction audit, but for money)

I’ve done “friction audits” in other parts of my life—identifying the tiny, repeating drains that quietly wreck momentum. Money has those too.

So I look for leaks:

• subscriptions I forgot I had
• small convenience spending that adds up under stress
• fees and penalties that can be prevented with one phone call
• impulse spending that’s really just self-soothing

No moralizing. No judgment. Just: “Is this keeping me alive, or keeping me distracted?”

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Step 6 — Shift from emergency mode to recovery mode

Emergency mode is short-term survival. Recovery mode is building a runway.

Recovery mode looks like:

• Small emergency fund: even a tiny buffer is a psychological pressure valve
• Debt strategy: knock out the easy wins where you can; keep credit as a last-resort tool, not a lifestyle
• Cash discipline (when needed): sometimes cash is the only way to stop the bleeding
• Realistic goals: goals that you can actually hit without fantasy math

And I keep the plan “bite-sized,” because big plans collapse under stress. Simple planning tools—like “if-then” plans—are surprisingly effective for follow-through (Gollwitzer, 1999). :contentReference[oaicite:4]{index=4}

This fits the broader self-regulation idea: progress comes from feedback, small adjustments, and repeatable actions—not heroic willpower (Carver & Scheier, 1998). :contentReference[oaicite:5]{index=5}

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Step 7 — Build a safe space (because shame makes you stupid)

Money trouble comes with stigma. People don’t just fear the bills—they fear being judged. That’s not a personal flaw. That’s social reality (Goffman, 1963). :contentReference[oaicite:6]{index=6}

So I try to create a “safe space” that’s practical:

• a spreadsheet or notebook where numbers live without insult
• a weekly check-in time so it doesn’t haunt me 24/7
• a trusted person or professional who can talk facts without turning it into a character assessment

And yes—sometimes you need help. Financial mentors. Nonprofit organizations. Legal advice if things are tangled. If you don’t know where to start, ask peers. People have longer memories than we think, and everybody ends up needing directions at some point.

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Quick Triage Checklist (print this in your brain)

• Stabilize: keep the essentials alive.
• De-escalate: calm enough to think.
• Evidence ledger: convert dread into data.
• Contact: make the calls that stop penalties and uncertainty.
• Plug leaks: cut the quiet drains.
• Recovery: build a runway, even if it’s small.

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Note: This is general information and personal process writing, not financial or legal advice.

Godspeed.

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References

• Carver, C. S., & Scheier, M. F. (1998). On the self-regulation of behavior. Cambridge University Press. https://doi.org/10.1017/CBO9781139174794 :contentReference[oaicite:7]{index=7}
• Goffman, E. (1963). Stigma: Notes on the management of spoiled identity. Prentice-Hall. :contentReference[oaicite:8]{index=8}
• Gollwitzer, P. M. (1999). Implementation intentions: Strong effects of simple plans. American Psychologist, 54(7), 493–503. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.54.7.493 :contentReference[oaicite:9]{index=9}
• Gross, J. J. (1998). The emerging field of emotion regulation: An integrative review. Review of General Psychology, 2(3), 271–299. https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.2.3.271 :contentReference[oaicite:10]{index=10}
• Kahneman, D. (2011). Thinking, fast and slow. Farrar, Straus and Giroux. :contentReference[oaicite:11]{index=11}
• Lazarus, R. S., & Folkman, S. (1984). Stress, appraisal, and coping. Springer Publishing Company. :contentReference[oaicite:12]{index=12}
• Mullainathan, S., & Shafir, E. (2013). Scarcity: Why having too little means so much. Times Books/Henry Holt and Company. :contentReference[oaicite:13]{index=13}
• Richardson, T., Elliott, P., & Roberts, R. (2013). The relationship between personal unsecured debt and mental and physical health: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, 33(8), 1148–1162. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2013.08.009 :contentReference[oaicite:14]{index=14}